Tanka(s): Bitter/Sweet/Love

June 14, 2011

(The following is the first section of a three-part series of non-traditional meter tanka written over the last six months or so…)


Sharing a bed
with nobody
I sleep
on one

She smiled
like she meant it
when she told me
she didn’t love me

A wife
a woman
then just

Sitting beside
a shiny new
knowing she won’t

She took a piece
of my heart
and when she gave it back
it no longer

Love’s nest
becomes a tangle
of shit and lies
I sign on the dotted line
and get my life back.

Ink runs in my creative veins
but when she cuts
with her words
I still bleed
in red.

I take each day
as it comes
swallow what I can
and spit out
the rest.

I take a candle
brave flame
bring it close to my chest
to thaw out
my frozen heart.

(OneShotWednesday week 50)

24 Responses to “Tanka(s): Bitter/Sweet/Love”

  1. Powerful stuff Peter, and brilliant. ‘I take each day as it comes swallow what I can and spit out the rest’. This really resonates, great writing…

  2. Heather said

    This is very strong writing Peter! Always a pleasure reading your work. Looking forward to parts 2 & 3. 🙂

  3. brian said

    damn. each of these filled with wit and frigid at that…the first is a bit ore tender…wont lie i laughed a bit…

  4. Lynne Hayes said

    This is really good.. trying to think of something brilliant to say, but the rawness and simplicity of this poem has me rather word-less….many good lines.. this flowed so well it felt almost like a mini- movie..
    well done!!!

  5. Other Mary said

    What a clever and poignant write. Good visuals too.

  6. missmary23 said

    “She took a piece
    of my heart
    and when she gave it back
    it no longer
    If I had to choose a favorite stanza, that would be it, but the whole poem really moved me.

  7. Oh my goodness! That is so heartbreaking, Peter. I literally felt the devastation while reading it. 😦 *hugs to you my friend* I can’t wait for the next two!

  8. Kim Nelson said

    Intensity sears the page as each line leads to the sad truth of the next. This tale could be told by so many. You did it so eloquently.

  9. The vividness and ease of this, poignant!

  10. ayala said

    This is sad and heartbreaking. Sitting beside a new phone..knowing she won’t call…so sad when love ends and we don’t want it to.

  11. Peter…I really liked this….a simple pained beauty.. the devastation, and ulttimately, the unexpected & surprising, alienation from yourself, your heart, your picture of who you are even, when a relationship fractures irrevocably…a very hard time before you can begin to put yourself back together in new ways, and love again.

  12. Pat Hatt said

    Sad yet funny at the same time, just how your words come off quite cold, and the pacing makes it a great read..nice.

  13. Eva Von Pelt said

    So strong and powerful! You describe the physical pain in a way that everyone can feel and relate to. Can’t wait for ‘Sweet’ and ‘Love’ to experience new parts of your journey….and to replace my guts that just spilled out : )

  14. Andy said

    WoW! This is deep…sad, but deep.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Here’s mine:

  15. Heaven said

    I enjoy reading a guy’s post about angst and broken heart…

    I am pleased to meet you ~

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