Right angles

November 5, 2011

Right number wrong love
she never called me back..
November’s long nights.

The sound of anger
I hide
between brackets.

A fear of aisles
can’t see the altar for the pews
I take off my tie.

Rain falls against the pane
glass reflects
dry eyes.

The memory
of a kiss
steamed-up mirror.

The prefix un- in
almost every other word
I curse Klimt.

Twilight’s tears
raindrops stipple still water
I fuck up again.

She never wore lipstick
on Sundays
I iron my shirt collars.

Her words
a winding sheet
I’m still six feet over.

 

(taking part in Open Link Night week seventeen – http://dversepoets.com )

Advertisements

18 Responses to “Right angles”

  1. A jagged group full of surprises, as always, excellent work.

  2. heartfelt, pain suppressed, a collection that builds, & inter-weaves with a story between each separate short, to reveal a larger piece/(w)hole

  3. Eva Von Pelt said

    Wonderful groupings! I’m feeling contradiction, literal reflection, and a long time frame for all this to take place. Really like the piece ending in…’I take off my tie.’ I could hear the swoosh of silk brushing against itself!

    -Eva

    P.S. Your new tag line is much more fitting : )

  4. Gay said

    A tight well told story of the ache of breakup, loved the no lipstick, I iron my collars line but it was excellent throughout.

  5. tashtoo said

    Love the phrasing, the quick pace which I’m forced to read…but at the same time, each and every image delivered…causes pause in its clarity. I liked the …take of my tie…as well.

  6. dang i really like this structurally the clipped lines and pairings work really well together…very evocative peice…the opening line needs to be a song lyric too…

  7. Pat Hatt said

    Realyl delved deep with strong emotion, wonderful verse and agree with Brian, that first line sounds like it be great to open a song or at least as a title.

  8. hobgoblin2011 said

    I absolutely loved this. The play on well known idiom is outstanding and the voice is fully on display here. Right angles is a great title too. Thanks

  9. Chris G. said

    Powerful show of emotion in this, with an engaging twist. The shape of the heart, the shape of lust…the pains in both; breakups are a painful thing, and the voice used to engage this one was perfect.

  10. That line “I fuck up again” punches, just like it should. So many times when someone uses a crude phrase or a curse word it just falls flat. You really convey that feeling of being at right angles to everything.

  11. Each and every one a heart-wrenching gem. I look forward to seeing more of you around dVerse and reading more of your writing.

  12. I liked it very much… and you bringing up Klimt was perfect… I could not help but think of his painting and the word un-Kissed ….

    “The prefix un- in
    almost every other word
    I curse Klimt.’

    thanks for sharing such a wonderful verse…

    PS: it was a pleasure to see the painting Kiss in Vienna this summer” – Chk my post about it here. http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/09/still-life-secessionist-movement-and-my.html )

    Shashi
    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/11/whispers-tears-in-rain.html

  13. Emily said

    Well captured, dense meaning in few words. And this:

    Her words
    a winding sheet
    I’m still six feet over.

    Brilliant!

  14. A lovely lament. Jagged and abruptin form, and with the speaker so low that he even can’t stand the thought of Gustav Klimt’s most famous work (guessing here), “The Kiss.”

    Enjoyed it!

  15. siubhan said

    tight, Peter! from first to last, i felt this.

  16. Becky Sain said

    Feel like I just ran a race, in a good way. Heart racing, panting, wanting to know what’s next.
    Thank you for this.

  17. claudia said

    dang this is cool peter…she never wore lipstick on sundays…love those details that underline the heartbreak mood the narrator’s in …also tight opening…wow…very cool poem

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: